


Tripping Over My Feet

by ZeusKiller13



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post 03x05, Post Lawsuit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeusKiller13/pseuds/ZeusKiller13
Summary: After the lawsuit, Buck tries to prove himself to the team and works himself to the point of exhaustion, Eddie finds him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 13
Kudos: 506





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing a fic for this fandom, definitely highly invested in this haha. Might update, if people want it, not sure yet though.

If you asked Buck later, he would tell you he messed up. However, in the present sense he knew exactly what he was doing. He had the situation perfectly handled. 

Once Bobby had made it clear he wasn’t going to be welcome on calls anymore, Buck made it his mission to prove to his Captain that he was ready. After work, where he sped through all the chores in the entire station, he would run home and break into a break neck speed of cleaning, showering, and exercise till he could barely breathe. 

Clearly Bobby thought he wasn’t strong enough to be on calls, but Buck would prove him wrong. It wasn’t really his fault he forgot to eat some nights, there just wasn’t enough time in the day. It wasn’t really his fault he didn’t sleep more than four hours a night most nights, he just had so much catching up to do. And there was definitely an improvement to be noticed. He got to work in 22 minutes instead of 28. He got his turnout gear on in 11 less seconds then before. He also was able to get all the chores done by the time three calls had gone through.  
Bobby, however, didn’t even seem to notice and would just have Buck start from the beginning all over again. 

Buck knew better than to try to talk to the team anymore, any attempt was met with; sarcasm, a quick joke, or just complete silence. Buck actually couldn’t remember the last time he had even spoken a word inside the station. No worries, Buck would prove himself ready to be apart of the family again. 

It was three weeks into his fiendish routine when his body began to not listen to him anymore. Getting to work would take a half hour instead of his usual time, he would take almost the whole day to get through the chores at work. Buck was frustrated, all the weeks of progress he made felt lost on him. There was nothing he could do more, he thought, he was already just so tired. 

Friday morning was the day his body finally said enough was enough. After getting out of bed Buck showered and grabbed his phone before walking down the stairs to his loft. Halfway down the stairs his left leg gave out and he tumbled the rest of the way down. 

“Oops,” Buck said with a groan upon reaching the bottom, “shouldn’t have worn new socks on these.” With that he attempted to get up but his legs wouldn’t respond to him. A quick wiggle of his toes proved his legs weren’t broken, just not strong enough to lift him. Buck sighed before looking around for his phone. It was about ten feet away having slipped from his hand and slid across the floor. 

Sitting up straight Buck started to crawl toward his phone. He made it about half way before his arms got tired and he had to take a moment to breathe. Quickly, Buck ran through a self diagnosis. He wasn’t dehydrated, he knew better than that, he couldn’t remember the last time he ate but that was okay, people could live for almost a month before starvation got to them. He didn’t know the last time he got a full nights sleep though, that might be the source of his problems then. 

Well, it was quite obvious he would never be able to work like this. Moving quickly as he could before his arms could give out again Buck made it to his phone and sent a quick text to Bobby. 

To Bobby:  
Hey, boss, just woke up with a severe case of food poisoning. Any chance I can have the day off?

Buck didn’t like lying to Bobby, but telling him the truth would just give him more of an excuse to keep him benched with chores. It was almost twenty minutes before a response came through. 

From Bobby:  
Sure, Buckley, I can put Gretzinger on chore duty today. Feel better.

To be honest, Buck wasn’t sure if it was sincere or not. Letting himself relax Buck rolled so he was flat on the floor and hoped a few hours of relaxation would make him able to move again.  
——————-  
“Where’s Buckley?” Hen asked as the crew gathered around the table for breakfast. Even though they hadn’t let the kid eat with them, he still popped in and took a pancake or two sometimes. 

“Texted me saying he had food poisoning, taking the day off.” Bobby replied whisking his bowl of eggs. 

“Strange, I don’t think he’s ever called in before. Remember when he showed up with the flu last year and you made Eddie take him home cause he threw up on a call?” Chim asked, taking his seat. 

“Don’t remind me of that.” Eddie said with a hint of aggression. Seeing Buck that weak was scary, not like he’d tell the team that little tidbit. 

“Maybe one of you can check on him after your shift is over, but I’m sure it’s fine. He seemed fine yesterday, actually he’s never looked better.” Bobby said, getting quiet on the last sentence. If he was being truly honest he missed having Buck on calls. Missed the cheerful boy who could lighten the mood if they just had a bad call. But Bobby knew it was too soon, if Buck went out again what was stopping him from getting hurt? 

“I’ll do it.” Eddie immediately offered getting a sly look from Hen, which he ignored. Truth be told he was starting to get worried about Buck, which even though he was royally pissed at the man, made him want to reach out. Buck was wasting away to nothing, getting skinnier with each passing week it seemed, which Eddie thought was less than healthy. 

The shift passed by in an unbelievably slow pattern. Their grand total after 12 hours, 7 calls. 5 of which were minor injuries that had taken only a few minutes to get on their way. After the last call Bobby told them all to go home but made a motion for Eddie to stay behind.

“Let me know how he is when you get there. I wanna make sure he’s taking care of himself.” So Bobby had noticed the same things Eddie had over the weeks. After promising him, Eddie got into his truck and drove to Buck’s. Calling Carla, she agreed to take Chris to his Abuela’s for the night as they had previously planned, only without Eddie’s involvement now. Upon arriving at Buck’s apartment he saw his Jeep in the parking lot, proving he was home. Making great time he reached the door before hesitating, it had been almost a month since he had spoken to the man, this was going to be really awkward. Taking a deep breath, Eddie knocked on the door. 

There wasn’t a response on the inside, so Eddie knocked again. A quiet groan sounded from behind the door but other than that no attempt to open it was made. 

“Buck, it’s me, let me in.” Eddie wished he could keep the venom out of his voice but weeks of anger were festering under the surface and he could hold in so much before a street fight. Speaking of which, that was where he was supposed to be tonight, not here at his best friend's apartment. Well, maybe best friend, he wasn’t sure if he could call them that anymore.

“Go away.” Was all he heard from inside, which sent a bolt of red hot anger down his stomach. Aggressively, Eddie pulled his spare key out and unlocked the door. Last time he had done that was the morning before the tsunami, how times have changed. 

Upon entering, Eddie was more than a little confused. Buck was laying on the ground with all the lights inside turned off. His anger quickly evaporated to concern as he approached the man on the ground.

“Ugh, I said go away.” Buck groaned covering his face. Eddie could see it had been quite some time that his friend had been laying on the floor, he was in his work uniform meaning he had been trying to come to work before he ended up here.

“What happened?” Eddie asked with a hint of anger in his voice. 

“Nothing, just leave.” Buck responded. 

“I’ll leave if you can get up, right now.” Eddie said looking at him, Buck didn’t even try to move instead he just looked at Eddie and started crying. Eddie was floored by this reaction and quickly moved to get Buck up and wrapped his arms around his friend.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said between breaths, “I’m just frustrated and really tired.” After he finished talking he resumed crying into Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie noticed that there was absolutely no strength in Buck’s posture, he was hanging over Eddie as he crouched next to Buck.  
“What happened?” Eddie asked again, softer. 

“My legs gave out on me when I was getting ready for work, and I just couldn’t get up. I tried all day but everytime I moved too much I was back on the ground.” Buck answered. Eddie was once again taken aback, for twelve hours Buck had been stuck on the floor not able to move at all?

“Why didn’t you call someone?” Eddie asked but he already knew the answer before it left Buck’s mouth.

“Didn’t want anyone to worry.” He said, but then he added. “Didn’t want another reason for you guys to hate me.” Eddie pulled Buck away and looked him in his eyes. There was so much to unpack, but Eddie made a list in his head and started executing it one by one. 

First, get Buck to the bathroom, twelve hours on the floor had to be killing his bladder. Working his arm under Buck’s shoulders and legs, he lifted the man into his arms. Surprising, considering Buck was taller than Eddie. The pair slowly made their way upstairs, the fact that Buck didn’t complain or speak the whole way started to worry Eddie, but he had a list and was sticking to it. After Buck was relieved he went into the bathroom and helped move him to the bed. 

Two, get Buck food. With how skinny Buck had looked, and felt when Eddie carried him, he needed food in him ASAP. Eddie ordered a delivery pizza and moved back to Buck.

Three, text Bobby. Let him know Buck needed the weekend off. 

To Bobby:  
Found Buck on the floor completely exhausted, not food poisoning. He’s gonna need a few days off. 

From Bobby:  
Jesus, you both have the weekend off, get him back to 100%. Why was he pushing himself so hard? 

From Bobby:  
Nevermind, I’m pretty sure I know why. 

At least Bobby had the same mindset he did about what was going on in Buck’s head, now it was time to actually find out what the younger man was thinking. Eddie sat on the bed next to Buck and looked at him for several moments. 

“Buck, I need you to listen now okay?” Eddie asked and Buck nodded. “Yes, we were all mad about the lawsuit, no one likes their dirty laundry aired in their face. But we do not hate you, I do not hate you. I could never hate you, Buck, I was just mad and needed some space for a while. I get that you were trying to prove yourself to us but you didn’t need to do that. We all already love you, and we all know what you’re capable of. We just needed time to cool down, has it gone on for too long, yes, but time heals all wounds as they say.” 

Buck didn’t reply, but he slowly nodded so Eddie took it as a minor win. Eventually, the pizzas showed up and Eddie didn’t stop until Buck had eaten almost all of his. Buck began to look more and more tired and despite the fact that it was only 8:30 Eddie thought it was a good time for Buck to go to sleep. 

“Sleep, Buck, I’ll be here when you wake up.” Eddie said and watched as Buck slowly fell against his shoulder and promptly fell asleep. Eddie knew they had much more to say, knew there was much more between them to work out. But for now, he was okay with letting his best friend, his closest partner, snore away on his shoulder.


	2. Part II

Eddie woke up the next morning to the smallest bit of sunlight peeking through the windows. Moving to get up, he slowly pushed Buck’s head off his shoulder and sat up. Last night came rushing back to him and a new sense of both anger and concern coursed through his veins. Looking to his side he saw that Buck was still dead to the world. Glancing at his phone he found that Buck had been sleeping for almost ten hours already. 

With a quiet grunt Eddie stood up and made his way downstairs. There was almost no food in Buck’s cupboards and barely anything in the fridge either. Eddie sighed deeply and loudly in frustration. Part of him blamed Buck for letting himself go like this, but mostly he blamed himself. All these weeks of anger directed at his friend had worn him to nothing. All these weeks trying to prove himself to his family, his desperate cries for help went unanswered. 

Deciding to snoop around Eddie came across a notebook on the coffee table, he recognized it because he had given it to him. After the tsunami he had told Buck that maybe therapy didn’t work for him, but getting his thoughts out one way or another would help him out. Thinking deeply to the possible consequences to his actions, Eddie opened the notebook. The first few entries were basic thoughts and opinions about what Buck had been through, a history of his nightmares, but about a month and a half ago it took on a totally different format. 

_ Today Bobby told me he’s the one holding me back from getting with the 118. All this time I thought it was the chief, or maybe my doctor, but it was him. Bobby, in all accounts the man I see as a father to me, stopping me from being back with my family. I don’t know what to do now, all this time working on getting back to them, all this time reaching for a goal that Bobby kept pulling further out of reach. I’m just so angry, I haven’t been this angry in so long and it scares me. Maybe I can reach out to the team and ask them for help?  _

Eddie knew what happened next, Buck had tried to call him that night but Eddie had been busy having parent night with Hen and Karen. When he had tried to connect later that was when he found out about the lawsuit. The next entry was dated three weeks later in the notebook. 

_ Well, today was my first day back. What a load of garbage that was. I tried to talk to Eddie and asked him to talk to me but he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Hen and Chim seem like they’re just going to be civil, but anything not work related is shot down instantly. And Bobby...well he doesn’t even look at me unless it’s to give me another chore. But it’s okay, I deserve this, I did this to myself. It’ll be okay soon enough.  _

That was Halloween, the day Buck had begged him to talk, even scream at him; but Eddie had said nothing and walked away. The last entry was dated just three days ago. 

_ All this work I’m doing seems to have reached a plateau. Running to work isn’t working, rushing through chores isn’t working, working out all night isn’t working. It’s like I’ve entered this limbo of being in the same station as my family, but in a whole nother universe to them. I haven’t spoken to anyone in two weeks now, I doubt they’ve noticed. Maybe it’s all a waste of time, maybe I should just realize I brought this on myself and this is my life now. I’ll never get them back. Wow, first time I’ve let myself have that thought, but it seems pretty close to the truth. Afterall, Eddie was right in that grocery store, I am exhausting, and I make everything about myself.  _

Eddie noticed two water stains on the page, below where Buck had been writing. Tear drops he realized with a sourness. Buck was suffering for weeks and none of them had noticed. Eddie knew now why Buck was completely exhausted, he had been forcing himself way past his limit to try and prove to them he was ready to be a part of their family again. 

Wiping his own tears from his eyes at this realization Eddie got to work. He texted the new 118 group chat, the one they had made without Buck, and set a plan. It took two hours to get everything set and squared away and by then it was nearing seven thirty in the morning. He was supposed to get Christopher soon, but he couldn’t leave Buck alone, not in his current state. 

Calling his Abuela and Carla, Eddie arranged for Carla to bring Chris to Buck’s and bring some groceries if she could. While Carla was concerned for Buck just as much as Eddie, she steeled herself and executed her part of the plan. Next Eddie waited for a response from the group chat and once he received it, he went to wake his friend. 

Climbing back upstairs, Eddie saw Buck had moved in his sleep. Buck had thrown the blankets off of him and moved around in a way that his shirt rolled up. Eddie’s jaw dropped when he saw just how much weight Buck had lost, it scared him almost as much as seeing him sick with the flu last year. Moving toward the bed slowly, Eddie shook Buck. 

“Buck, wake up.” He started with, when that didn’t work he grabbed Buck by the shoulders and said. “Evan Buckley, wake your ass up now!” That seemed to do the trick, Bobby had done that once when Buck had fallen asleep in the station, back when everything was normal. Buck jolted forward and looked around before his eyes settled on Eddie.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” He said with a mutter. 

“Seeing as that was almost twelve hours ago I don’t really care anymore.” At the mention of sleeping for twelve hours Buck looked flabbergasted, which made Eddie chuckle. “Come on, time to shower and get dressed.” 

“What, why?” Buck asked but he began to move as if on instinct. 

“Because it’s morning, and you have things to do.” Eddie said, once again something he realized he had done the morning of the tsunami. Turning around Eddie grabbed a shirt, pants, socks, and underwear from Buck’s dresser and handed them to him. It surprised him how much he knew his way around Buck's apartment, but he was sure Buck knew just as much if not more about his house. With a grunt Buck took them and made his way to the bathroom, once the door closed Eddie booked it down the stairs and checked his phone. With a grin, he opened the front door of the apartment. 

“Mijo!” He yelled quietly grabbing his son and moving him inside, signaling Christopher and Carla to be quiet. 

“What’s going on, Dad?” Chris asked nearing the table where he always sat for meals at Buck’s. 

“We are surprising Buck with a little party to cheer him up.” Eddie said with a smile. Truth be told, he never would’ve imagined doing this today; but after reading that journal and seeing Buck’s honest, and what he thought were secret, thoughts he knew he had to prove what he had said to Buck last night. That he, and the rest of the 118 did love him. 

Less than two minutes after getting the food cooking, Carla let the rest of the guests in. It was surprising honestly, that so many people could be mobilized, and gathered at Buck’s so early in the morning. Chim and Maddie made their way to the kitchen and went to work helping Carla. Bobby and Athena moved to the dining room to set up a last minute store bought cake. Hen and Karen started setting up decorations. 

When everything was set up, despite it being quite literally last minute, it looked good. The 118 knew how to throw a party that was for sure. 

“Okay, since it’s 8am we didn’t bring any alcohol, plus most of us have a shift in like two hours, but I think we’ll get the message across.” Athena said putting on a party hat. She was right, it was all so chaotic and not planned in advance at all but that was okay. 

Eddie ran upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door before asking, “are you decent?” he heard a chuckle from behind the door and an affirmative. Buck was wearing his pants but didn’t put his shirt on yet. Eddie took a minute to stealthily look at how much Buck had wasted away. His hips jutted out to a sharp point, and his ribs rippled under the skin. Eddie truly had a lot of work to do in his renewed attempt to “Buck up Buck”. 

“I’m making breakfast if you want to come downstairs as quick as you can.” Eddie lied before closing the door and heading back downstairs. It was only a few seconds later he heard Buck making his way to the stairs.

“Eds, you know I love you, but if you’re cooking we might have an unplanned trip to the emergenc-”

“Surprise!” All of the group exclaimed at once jumping up from their hiding spaces. Buck’s face went from pure horror to surprise to confusion all at once. Clearly his brain was trying to process what was going on but just couldn’t quite get it. 

“What is this?” Buck asked. 

“It’s a welcome back, and a we're sorry party.” Bobby answered walking up to him. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you weren’t enough for the team, you’re always enough for us. Can’t wait to see your smile in my truck again.” Bobby asked. 

“You mean I’m-?” Buck began. 

“You’re back on calls.” Bobby interrupted giving Buck a hug. 

One by one everyone made their apologies, except Maddie. Carla, and Athena who hadn’t participated in the 118 seclusion effort. Slowly everyone had hugged Buck and promised to see him on Monday. Athena and Maddie left at nine for their shifts, Bobby and Chimney had a shift at ten, and Hen and Karen had already planned a day with their family as well. 

The party hadn’t lasted long, but seeing as Buck had been so exhausted he couldn’t even move just a day before it was probably for the best. Eddie, however, made no plans to leave. Bobby had actually ordered him not to even think about coming to work until Monday. Soon it was down to Chris, Carla, Buck, and Eddie. That was until noon when Carla left but not without a big hug from each of them. 

“Well, good job Eddie.” Buck said that night after they put Chris to bed on Buck’s couch, only so much time could be spent eating, watching movies, and gaming. 

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked, just be difficult. 

“The party, definitely got your point across.” Buck said moving upstairs to get ready for bed. Tomorrow was Sunday, and Eddie still didn’t plan on going anywhere. 

“Almost got my point across.” Eddie corrected. At Buck’s confused look he continued. “I never properly apologized for what I said in the grocery store, or how I acted the weeks after. I was just holding on to this anger and never letting it go. You didn’t deserve that, you’re not exhausting, you don’t make everything about yourself. You’re selfless, kind, and an unbelievably amazing friend to me, and father to Chris.” 

“I’m not his father though.” Buck said with a look of confusion. 

“Might as well be at this point.” Eddie said with a grin. “I’m sorry I made you feel so bad for weeks, when I’m just so bad at expressing emotion.” 

“Expressing emotion isn’t easy no matter who you are.” Buck replied easily, laying down in his bed.

“Maybe, but you make it easier to express myself.” Eddie said, laying down next to his friend. 

“Oh yeah?” Buck asked looking at him with a challenge in his eyes. Eddie smiled, and when his face moved toward Buck’s, Buck didn’t stop him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely didn't plan on adding this, but inspiration hit me at 4am and so I wrote this all in one sitting. The end for real this time!


End file.
